“Why Does My Baby
Look Like An Alien? “
Being a Dad rules.
Let me make that clear. Making a
baby is great (wink wink). Making your baby
smile for the first time is awesome. I
can imagine watching him read/walk/drive/play for the first time is an amazing
beautiful experience as well. I see now what all the hoopla was about, and I have drunk the Kool-aid.
HOWEVER, and I want to make this clear, NOTHING about giving
birth is beautiful. Nothing about the
process, nothing about the yelling and crying (mostly me), is even remotely
something you can classify as beautiful. Women don’t think so, because they are
pushing a HUGE thing out of a small place and in agonizing pain. Men don’t think so because they are in the
vicinity of their woman pushing a HUGE thing out of a small place. The experience is amazing and mind boggling
and incomprehensible, but NO , it’s not beautiful so stop it, stop it right now.
To give you an idea, I think our son is the most beautiful
baby in the world. I know what you're going to say “Everyone thinks that!” . Well
there’s a difference, they’re delusional and wrong.
My little man is the most beautiful baby in the world. You often hear people talk about or see
people post pictures of their just born babies and everyone says “OMG Lorraine… he/she is
SOOOOO Beautiful”. This is another
example of what I like to call “BLATANT LYING”. Babies fresh out of Mommy can only be
classified as gross alien life forms.
They are filled with gunk, they have strange and peculiar faces, and in
my son’s case, he actually had a cone head. Yes, he was a baby Dan Aykroyd. I held him and loved him, but it took him a
good couple days before he resembled a human being. I want all you non-parents to go in with this
expectation. You will love them
regardless of how alien-like they are, and they will turn into the most
beautiful thing in your world, but that first day, they are far from “Breathtaking”.
They are little miracle goblins for the
first day or two and you can deny it ladies and gentlemen, but it’s true.
Next week, I’m going to start diving in on the beginning of
the best friendship I have ever had, the one with my son. He has taught his mommy and myself so much
about life and happiness and how one little smile or belly laugh can literally
eliminate 100 annoyances from your day.
You will never love anything or anyone as much as you love your child. I hope you can see how much I LIKE this kid in coming weeks, as I write
about our adventures in diaper changing, food eating, backwards crawling and
using his Mommy and Daddy as a jungle gym.
I have so many questions about his future and I know they’ll all have
answers one day. The only question I don’t have an answer for is the one I had
in the early morning of May 3rd, 2013.
“Why Does My Son Look
Like An Alien”.
Next Week: “Why
Does My Son Like Cuddling On Mommy’s Chest More Than Mine? “
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