The day you
find out you're having a baby is an exciting day. It's a day of happiness and hopes and dreams
and all that other jazz. But the 8-9 months that follow can only be described
as a mixture of jail time and Hell. I'll give you an analogy that should
ring true for all you guys out there.
You know that feeling on Thanksgiving when
there's SO MUCH good food, that you just keep eating after you're full. You
just feel like you have a person inside you. It's like that, except instead of
turkey and cranberry sauce, it's an ACTUAL PERSON. This person apparently
kicks, jabs and moves around like a cage fighter and women just go to work, go
to school and go about life in between hanging over the toilet. They are
truly an inspiration.
That being said, that's nothing compared to us
poor men. We have it rough and that's often forgotten. Case in
point: I'm on the computer playing online poker or staring at my fantasy
teams and she, after a long hard day of carrying around a person, dozes off.
I look over and there's a bag of Cheetos that I've been craving all day
STARING me in the face. Can I eat them in the room? I sure can't. That would
wake her. Can I go in the other room and eat them? NOPE, I have to be there to
support her while she sleeps because "SHE'S carrying my child inside her
all day and giving life to a human being" This may be hormones
talking but I speak for all men when I say that this is a very emotional
time.
Another example of how hard pregnancy is for men
: How You Eat. I would love to sit here and say that I'm the model of
good eating and physical fitness, but there are multiple friends and family
that will call me a liar. However, I have good intentions. When SHE
wants an anchovy sundae with barbecue sauce at 10 PM from Friendly's, oh you're
going to get it. And that's all well and good. But am I supposed to
go and not get one for myself while I’m there, perhaps with a steaming plate of
chicken tenders to go with it. I mean, I’m only human. If it was just me, I’d
be lazy and not go to friendly’s. I don't have that luxury when she's
carrying my child, so I walk uphill both ways in the snow barefoot and I get
her sundae and my sundae and my chicken strips and French fries and honey
mustard and perhaps an extra grilled cheese and some more honey mustard.
I do this for her, because she's carrying around
a person and I do it for me as I want that person to be nourished and well fed.
Women should be applauded for all they do to bring people into this
world. But NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HOW PAINFUL PREGNANCY IS FOR MEN.
Tune in next week for "You're not giving
birth on a softball field"
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