" I Think My Two Month Old Son Might Be Gay"

       Now before we start here, i want to apologize for a couple things. One, I have not upheld my responsibility to this blog. I blame it on work, sleep deprivation and most importantly the person i gave birth to (with help) 10 months ago.  Secondly, i want to be clear that this blog is meant to entertain . I don't think my son is gay, i wouldn't care if he was gay, and i know that there is no way to compile the necessary proof to deem a baby gay. OK.. I'm glad that's settled. Let's move on,

       Alexander Mason is perhaps one of the happiest babies you'll ever meet. I"m sure a lot of parents say that, but we really hit the jackpot as he is just forever happy. He literally cries when he is sitting in his own poop, he's hungry (which is often) and on a July afternoon, i was hoping for a third reason : when we inserted a thermometer in his bum.

      Now let me be clear, if it was up to me, all temperature readings would be done through putting it in his mouth or under his armpit. However, the people that know things i.e  the doctor, his mommy, my mommy, most other people in the world, insisted the most accurate reading required us to insert this cold metal/plastic contraption into his hiney.

     This is the part of the story where i really get a chance to show my maturity and fatherly instincts. I said to myself "Lenny, what reaction are you looking for from your son when this thing is put where things aren't supposed to go in? ".   A good mature parent would say, "i want him to be OK and not cry over it and just get through it and we get his reading and that's it" .  Well that parent doesn't work here. (She does, but that FATHER doesn't work here).  The guy that works here felt as though my son should cry when things are going in there and perhaps even sit up at 2 months old and say "HEY get that outta there sucka.... not that there's anything wrong with that (Seinfeld reference).

     So let's fast forward to that day that will live in infamy.  We put young Alex face down on the changing table and we pick his legs up in the air. He gives me this look like "Dad Help". I could do nothing but watch in dreaded anticipation of his outburst of tears and discomfort and then I'd save the day and pull him off, berate his mother for doing it and we would go look at Victoria's Secret Catalogs while farting and grunting . The moment has now arrived.......

     Alas the moment did not exactly turn out the way i expected. Mommy put the contraption into his caboose and Alex paused, looked at me, looked at Mommy and then started giggling like a schoolgirl when she finds out the boy she likes thinks she's cute.  He appeared to be enjoying the surgical procedure that was happening.  His mommy looked relieved (remember she's mature and not insane).  I on the other hand buried my head in my hands in disbelief and shock. I love my son, i will always love my son no matter what, but it was a shocking day when I looked down at him giggling and grinning and said to myself:

                                         "I Think My Two Month Old Son Might Be Gay"

Please tune in next time for " I Remember When My Family Used to Care When I Showed Up"